You think it couldn't get worse then throw up all over my body, right? You think that's kinda the final stop on the train of good friend-making abilities? Well let me tell you something.... you are WRONG.
Maris. Oh baby, leave it to Maris to one-up every and all people in the initiation category.
The night was young. The date? Who can remember anymore. The memories begin to fade as time presses forward, leaving only the blood stained shirt and images of Maris repeating the words "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." in my ears, forever lingering.
So lemme break it down for ya. Maris and I both made the ODP traveling team one year, long ago. At the time, we were semi-acquaintances. She had guest-played with my team once or twice before, but our relationship didn't venture any further than the four restricting lines of a soccer field. She was a funny person though, so naturally, I wanted to be her friend.
The team was split into 4 girls a room. Although, I only had three in my room, leaving me with my own bed and the opportunity to sprawl, toss and turn, kick around, and if I really wanted to, sleep naked. The luxury of your own bed. Spectacular in't?
Maris was put into a room with 3 other girls in it. I don't know how it happend, but somehow it was decided to put the three most dirty-minded girls in the same room, along with Maris in the corner cowering as she experienced her first run-in with a thong. And yes, the thong was being worn at the time. Mind you, we were 14. Oh the memories.
From there, Mare-bear decided it was about time to make a change. Not a drastic change, like a sex change or something like that, but merely a room change. She had seen enough butts for one soccer tournament. So, out of the goodness of our hearts, my roommates and I accepted Maris as one of our own. Not only that, but I even gave up the comfort of my own bed, just to please this poor, innocent, scarred girl.
The first night Maris was staying with us is where the initiation began. Before, I had thought she was a funny, quiet girl who wrecked it on the soccer field, but within moments my whole view changed.
I was merely brushing my teeth when Maris tapped me on the shoulder.
"Jeannie."
"Ya wha.."
BAM. POW. Maris punches me straight in the stomach. Then, as I bent over in order to relieve the pain of being PUNCHED IN THE STOMACH. She straight-on, no holding back, full blast, punches me right in the freaking nose! Say goodbye to breathing out of that thing ever again.
Blood. EVERYWHERE. Gushing from my naval cavity. Where there was once clean, flowing air in and out, in and out, there was now bright red blood just pouring out. A waterfall if you will. A waterfall of my own O positive blood.
"Whad da crat Marith?!" I said holding my nose trying to refrain from spouting blood across the walls. It was beginning to look like nothing less than a murder scene.
"I was suppose to hit you on the forehead!"
"So waid. Dis wath on purposthe?!"
"Well, ya. I mean, you're suppose to hit someone in the stomach and then in the forehead so they have to bend over then stand right back up. It's suppose to be funny!"
*sarcastic look* "Hilariouth!"
Huh. I guess when I have bloody noses, I have a lisp. Yup. That sounds about right!
Continuing on, I wasn't really mad. Just more confused. I mean, she had just punched me in the stomach and in the face. Sure, what a completely natural way to treat someone you barely even know. I guess she was simply too short to reach my forehead, so she settled on the nose. Fantastic.
But it doesn't end there, no way does it end there. But this is getting long and you're probably beginning to lose focus. I'm not offended, I get it. I lose focus so much that...............I literally just forgot was I was going to say. I had a crazy analogy, but I've forgotten it!
In the end, I'll leave you with a cliffhanger so you have no choice but to come back tomorrow and finish out the Maris friendship story. (then maybe my posts will go back to being normal human attention-span length) Until then!
Selman was there for this, and let's just say it brought back some memories....CLIFFHANGER. Dun dun duuuuun.
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