And not a life-changing one where everything in the world is all the sudden clear and I know the meaning of life and all that. Nothing deep and meaningful.
No.
Let me explain to you.
I went to The Hobbit the other night. And by "the other night", I mean I went at midnight on opening night. Not just any night...The night. Because there's no other way to do some things.
Now I'm a fan. A huge fan, so of course I had to dress up. At first I was just planning on being Bilbo, or a small hobbit of some sort. But then when I started to put more thought into it, I figured why not go all out and be the creepiest of all the creatures. Gollum.
So I went out into the world to look for the items I would need to put a beautiful costume of Gollum together:
A swimming cap, brown material for a loin cloth, skin colored shirt and pants, and yarn to make the straggle bits of hair that lay on top of that magnificent creature's head.
Then once I began to actually look for these things, I realized that with only a day to prepare a costume, I had simply waited too long to create this costume, that would have for sure gone down in the history of all costumes. Instead, I decided to still be Gollum, but a different kind of Gollum. Only then did the memory of a boy, on the track team, breaking into my dorm wearing nothing but a full, blue body suit.
*Lightbulb*
Being a fellow athlete, I called this boy up without hesitation and asked if I could borrow his body suit. He obliged and I began my trek to find the materials needed to be pre-CGI Gollum. For those of you that don't know what that is, it is Gollum, but Andy Serkis Gollum. I would recreate the motion-capturing device that is worn in the making of Gollum's scariness and quirkiness of movements and what not.
I went to the craft store and got 12 or so of those small, white styrofoam balls. I then went home and duck taped them onto the body suit. Four on each leg, four on each arm, one on each foot, and one on each shoulder. I looked like. Well I looked like an idiot. But I was proud of my creation!
Then, my fellow Hobbit seers came to pick me up. Kendra, Jenn, and Kassi walked into the room and took one look at my invention. I thought I would be praised! Instead, none of them got what I was and I became terrified that the rest of the world would look at me with the same glazed over look, in the same fashion those three had done. Judgment in their hearts and confusion in their eyes.
To be fair, literally nothing has been so unflattering on my body. This suit did not leave much to the imagination of what my body body looked like, if you know what I mean. It was snugg, but then loose in the worst of places. The crotch. It was loose. The fabric was. On my crotch. It was loose.
Loose in the sense that I didn't have anything to fill up the extra space. The space that the boy I borrowed it from could fill up. You catch my drift? You see what I'm getting at? DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
So I put my tevas on, so the styrofoam on my feet didn't fall off, and we left for the movies.
My hands were covered with a type of cloth that can only be described as "body-suit" cloth. It had a scratchy sort of feel, but also silky. It was like a mixture of flannel and silk. I don't know how that works, but that's what it was.
We got ice-cream cones before the movie, from McDonald's, so it had that paper on it on the bottom part of the cone. I couldn't get it off with my hands being covered by body-coth, so I asked Jenn to. Instead of helping me, she just took pictures of my struggle and unhappiness.
But then everything changed once we arrived at the movie theater. Instantly, I felt welcomed. I felt loved. I felt...understood. For once in my life, I was with the right people. Do you want to know why? Well because I was accepted for my costume. People got what I was! No more noobs looking at me with a questioning gaze.
As we were crossing the street a fine gentleman leaned out of his car and said. "Are you gay? Because if you are, I'll marry you!"
I responded "No. But I can be!", because I was flattered and I didn't want to shut the man down. I was a little confused though, because at the same time I was thinking, I guess it wouldn't matter if I were gay, because then I'd like women, and we still wouldn't be able to date.
But I shrugged it off and continued into the movie.
More acceptance came, and my heart swelled.
3 weeks later and I am telling my sister and mother this story.
Then Annie said something that made me have my realization.
"It was really funny! He yelled, 'Are you gay? Because if you are I'll marry you!' It was great."
"So...it was a man that said that?"
"Ya!"
"So...he wanted to know if you were gay and it was a man that said that?"
"...................oh no."
That man from the car thought...well he thought I was a man. That's why he asked if I were gay. Because he was a man, thinking that I was a man, therefore asking if I were gay so we could get married! Do you see what I'm saying?
Do you get my realization?
All I can say, to quote Eowyn from Lord of The Rings: Return of The King, "I am no man!" *stabs Sauron in face, falls back out of hand being all burnt because stabbed Sauron in face*
Ya. Just a realization.
And as Liz Lemon says, "Realizations are the worst."
Preach it gurl.
**UPDATE
Here's this gem. Not sure why my face is like that, but you get it.
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